Kimmy Kakes On The Road Again

I caught the latest Episode of the Today Show (weekdays, 10AM ET on NBC), and lo and behold, the topic of the night was the Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries divorce. Hmm…why am I still surprised?
Well, of course I went like meh…then I realised, obviously TV shows are more keen on covering world-breaking events such as this, than say, the OWS movement or the crisis in Somalia.

So as a "heartbroken nation" now grapples with the devastating news that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are divorcing after only 72 days, Kathie Lee and Hoda were there to help pick up the pieces. The ladies talked about the public backlash against the Kardashian reality wedding spectacle.

Suffice it to say that Yellow Journalism ruled the day again and I have quickly become enamored by the fiasco that has become reality TV.

Which brings me back to the issue at hand; I neither have the time nor the stomach to dive into the discussion on the KKK wedding. However, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this pint-sized smasher actually dated this monster of a man. I mean, just check out this pic; Scope the way this giant is grabbing Kim’s ass. I mean, SHEEEESH!!!

Is it that his hand is super huge or Kim’s ass is super tiny?

But then again, with all the plastic surgery that Kimmy Kakes has gorged herself with, I doubt it’s the latter.
Which means this man is well and truly an ogre.

Goodness!

How were they getting it on again?

I’m lovin – Flashing Lights by Kanye West

Dear Wangari

Wangari,
I'm just a young, ordinary Kenyan girl.
I'm just an average, disillusioned citizen, tired and apathetic.
Wearily have I watched as our country's leaders have turned the electorate into puppets. Weaving tribal lines, churning emotions and pitting brother against brother.
Wangari, I grew up like many others, in a time where few emerged as true leaders, worthy of Kenyans' admiration and gratitude.
Noble leaders such as yourself have come and gone.
I grew up watching and learning from you; you evoked such a die-hard spirit. You made me wonder if indeed it was possible for this country to one day, rise above the pettiness that defines our leadership.
You made me believe that Kenya was indeed capable of producing fine, worthy and legendary leaders.
You made me take note of the little things; your love for the environment, your fierce protective nature and your resilience in your quest to ensure that Kenya remains green - all these made me love nature even more.
Your resounding clarion call for Kenyans to wake up and contribute to saving our forests was heard across the seven seas.
You instilled such an immense sense of pride in me, in women, in the youth. You were a beaming light; a fierce torch that would guide all women who dared to stand up for what was right.
You were a true mentor, a believer, a hero, a mother, a confidante, a revolutionary, a friend.
You were Wangari Maathai; a human being that has left an immeasurable void on the face of the earth.
You will remain the stuff of legend, and our children's children will live to hear of your greatness.
Wangari, I cry for the loss that this country has faced today.
Wangari, I cry for I know we will never be touched by greatness such as yours.
Rest in peace Wangari.
You fought a chivalrous battle and emerged victorious.
You survived adversity and ashamed your naysayers.
I will forever remember your contribution to this world.
I treasure the fact that I lived in this generation; to witness who you were and what you achieved.

Travel well Mama Miti.

Love and sincere gratitude,

Citycat.

Mr. Right

Mr. Right; okay he doesn’t exist. Yeah, I know. We all know.

But every girl still has a list of how their Mr. Right should be. So for heck’s sake, here is mine…ok, its kinda rambly and all. Its more like a list of all the characteristics I did and didn’t like after a date is over. Call me obsessive, I don’t really care…I’m all for perfection. Or at least finding someone who is everything I’m looking for. (Sigh)

1. Makes me laugh - To me, conversation has always been more important than looks (to a point though, there has to be some initial attraction. I mean DUH). I would rather be with someone who makes me laugh than someone who makes the mean girls jealous. Ok, fine. Both would be sooo cool.

2. Creative – I like to consider myself pretty creative (with the exception of this topic) and I think for someone to be able to be with me long-term they would need to have a little creativity in order to put up with my story telling and intricate delusions of grandeur. Mostly these pop up smack in the course of my erstwhile monotonous work days. So I basically end up going through the motions with a dazed look. Not so bad once you get the hang of it…which leads me to…

3. Intelligent - I think it goes without saying that an intelligent mind is a major turn on. Please tell me you didn’t love A Beautiful Mind. Go on, look me in the eyes and LIE!!

Yeah…anyway, there’s absolutely no way to tolerate someone who seems painfully subterranean in terms of their grasp of all things intelligentsia. I just can’t. I love a guy who makes me think, keeps my brain churning and bursting with ideas and questions. Excite me with your world views and hypotheses. Don’t make me feel like I’m the only thinker in the room. I’m not saying you should give Socrates a run for his money; I’m just saying be bright. Period.

4. Tall - I’ve found that short guys tend to have a Napoleon complex…Plus I just feel more comfortable with a guy taller than I am. Hello, those six-inch heels have to be worn when we’re out.

5. Has a job – I understand it’s a bad economy, but I’m just one of those people who work a lot, and enjoy it. Oh please, who am I kidding-I hate working. It’s totally uncool and frankly, whoever came up with the idea of 9 to 5 is so on my wanted list right now.

That having been said, it suffices to say that being with someone who has no motivation to even search for a job – a decent, well paying, take-care-of-my-woman job…yeah, not gonna work.

6. Enjoys learning - I was one of those people who got super excited about buying school supplies, the person who read the book before school started, the person who got thrown out of British Council’s Library and MacMillan because goddamit, its 6pm on Saturday - you’re supposed to be out partying or something, not stuck in an old, creepy, dusty library, choking on dust balls but still ploughing through atlases and Thesauruses.

7. Must love animals – I hate creepy crawlies. Love all other members of the animal kingdom. Cats, dogs, horses, alligators, pigs, chicken…Love em, love em, love em.

8. Spontaneous - I think it would even me out, I’m a lover of routines. I’d want someone who would inspire a random trip to the Rift and back… No scatch that – a random trip to some place that cant even be found on GPS. Yup.Just because it would be fun to go.

9. Sarcasm - I’ve met guys who don’t understand my witty/sarcastic remarks. At times it felt like I was speaking a different language. Seriously, is it that hard to figure?

10. Loves the outdoors – I love being outside, especially when it’s sunny and blue skies are stretching out for miles. Road trips and escapades to wherever, bungee jumping off cliffs and running around in the grass barefeet…these, a girl loves! No way do I want to be with someone who sits inside all day.

11. Competitive – Okay, I know what you might be thinking because you’ve been with the “overly competitive guy”. And it isn’t fun to compete about everything, but going back to careers…I think it would be nice to find someone as equally driven and competitive in the work place as I am.

I'm loving - Mr. Right by A Rocket to The Moon

I Have Learnt

These past few weeks, leading upto the last one and a half months; have been choc-full of some pretty hard life lessons.

I didnt know; at least I never imagined that I could ever take a crash course on life in such a short period of time.

But all the same, lessons have been learnt.

Lessons that will stay with me for life. Lessons that I wouldn't have otherwise learnt if it wasnt for the experiences that I had in this period of time.

I have learnt...that no matter what I do, no matter what I say, if something wasnt meant to be, then no Oprah-inspired advice, no self-help book or philosophy will make it be. It just wasnt meant to be.

I have learnt that people who I thought were true friends or had my back, were not such true friends after all.

I have learnt, because of this, who my true friends are.

I've learnt to love my loved ones like I'll never see them again. And to let them know just how much I care for them.

I have learnt that shit will happen - and not just once- concurrently and I'll have to wipe myself of it and keep going.

I have learnt that revenge is best served cold.

I have learnt that no amount of revenge can soothe a broken heart.

I have learnt that when I realise that someone doesnt like me half as much as I like them, then I really have to get a-stepping coz staying will only lead to heartbreak. And I dont really have time for that.

I have learnt that when someone likes me, then I wont need to ask them nor do quizzes nor take behavioral science to know it. I wont have to st by the phone, or keep checking my emails to check whether they've looked for me.

I've learnt that when someone DOES like me then it shows. It TOTALLY shows.

I have learnt that there's no use in crying over spilt milk. I'd better just head to the store and get another packet.

I have learnt that when all is said and done, this life is too short to surround myself with negativity. I need to LIVE like I never will.

I'm loving : There's Hope - India Arie

Amy Fade's to Black

I was quite befuddled by Amy Winehouse's passing; befuddled because just a week ago she seemed (as per reports online) to be healthier than she'd ever been for months.

Plus I'd just been jamming Rehab over and over in the past week. Quite cryptic then, dont you think? Anyways, I came across Russell Brand's touching tribute to the talented Amy and I just had to share:

“I’ve known Amy Winehouse for years. When I first met her around Camden she was just some twit in a pink satin jacket shuffling round bars with mutual friends, most of whom were in cool Indie bands or peripheral Camden figures Withnail-ing their way through life on impotent charisma.

Carl Barrat told me that “Winehouse” (which I usually called her and got a kick out of cos it’s kind of funny to call a girl by her surname) was a jazz singer, which struck me as a bizarrely anomalous in that crowd. To me with my limited musical knowledge this information placed Amy beyond an invisible boundary of relevance; “Jazz singer? She must be some kind of eccentric” I thought. I chatted to her anyway though, she was after all, a girl, and she was sweet and peculiar but most of all vulnerable.”

“Now Amy Winehouse is dead, like many others whose unnecessary deaths have been retrospectively romanticised, at 27 years old. Whether this tragedy was preventable or not is now irrelevant. It is not preventable today. We have lost a beautiful and talented woman to this disease. Not all addicts have Amy’s incredible talent. Or Kurt’s or Jimi’s or Janis’s, some people just get the affliction. All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. We need to review the way society treats addicts, not as criminals but as sick people in need of care.

"We need to look at the way our government funds rehabilitation. It is cheaper to rehabilitate an addict than to send them to prison, so criminalisation doesn’t even make economic sense. Not all of us know someone with the incredible talent that Amy had but we all know drunks and junkies and they all need help and the help is out there. All they have to do is pick up the phone and make the call. Or not. Either way, there will be a phone call.”
Couldnt have had a more adequately penned tribute.

R.I.P Amy. May you find peace now.

I'm loving: Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Back to Black

I was rummaging through my wardrobe the other day and came to the sudden realisation that almost everything I own is black.

Black tees, black leggings, black shirts, black skirts, black trousers, black jackets, black bras, black panties, black shoes. Black, black, black.

So, I was looking for something light and airy to wear and I thought...hmm, wouldnt it be interesting to kinda just always be in ...black?

Oh, wait I'm already doing that.

See, I have been for a while now, that elusive pop of color in an otherwise dull office environment.

I'll put on something rather drab and instinctively add a dash of neon without a care; it could be neon polish a la Rihanna style, a neon top or scarf and I'm set to tackle the dinosaur that is corporate Kenya.

I mean, black isnt even my fvourite colour, as I'm in love with blue and purple and green. Oh...which reminds me, I have a think for the aqua colours again...hmm, topic for another day?

Anyhu...so I'm just starting to think that maybe I should fade to black. After all, isnt it like the most functional hue anyone can have in their wardrobe?

Plus it would go perfectly well with my mood of late.

I guess its time to embrace the snide remarks; "Who died?" or "Hey Bride of Frankenstein"

But then again, there arent that snide a people in my yard. All wishful thinking.

Release the doves!!

I'm loving - Fade to Black by Jay Z

The Ten Worst Movies Ever Made

The Ten Worst Movies Ever Made

After being forced to watch Ballistica recently, I was appalled at the dreadful depths to which onscreen entertainment has fallen. The trashiness that saturates the programs offered for our viewing makes me feel physically ill—and secretly intrigued. I dug deep into the dark, hairy underbelly of Hollywood to uncover some of the other most tasteless, atrocious, and unprofitable films ever made.

10. NorbitYou might think that Eddie Murphy in a fat suit equals hilarious, side-splitting laughter all around. You would be wrong. Not only is Norbit racist, it’s just not funny. A film critic from the UK had the following words of wisdom, “If you paid to see Norbit, look deep inside yourself. Look deep inside yourself and take the same amount of money you paid to see that movie and give it to a good cause because, believe me, you’re karmically unbalanced if you paid to see that film.”

9. Son of The Mask It takes a lot of courage (or a lot of stupidity) to make a sequel to a Jim Carrey movie and not have Jim Carrey actually in the movie (à la Dumb and Dumberer). With an $84 million budget and a $17 million domestic box office gross, I’d venture to say that this movie was a flop. If you like comedy, movies, laughter, and an all-around good time, DO NOT see Son of the Mask.

8. Over Her Dead BodyThe general plot of Over Her Dead Body is that Eva Longoria gets killed by an ice-sculpture on her wedding day, then comes back and haunts her husband’s new girlfriend. In the end, her betrothed marries the living woman and Eva goes back to heaven—griping, I know. Sean Axmaker, a reviewer from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer said, “... It’s as flat as day-old soda, a comedy completely lacking in bubbles or fizz.” Basically, don’t worry about her dead body; worry about dying of boredom from watching this film.

7. The Hottie and the NottieThe trajectory that this shameful attempt at filmmaking follows is evident from the moment the hottie protagonist falls for the nottie—after she gets plastic surgery. As of April 2008, the film is ranked as the thirteenth worst movie of all time in IMDb’s Bottom 100 list—it scored 1.6 points out of a possible 10. I guess Paris should stick to her day job ... not that she actually has one.
6. Gigli
Combining the mighty star powers of JLo and Ben Affleck, producers were certain they had a sure-fire hit. Ultimately, they created the world’s worst miss. Gigli received a rating of below 0 stars from Time—the only movie in history to receive this score. Critics called Gigli “the ultimate turkey of all time,” and audiences, already sick of Bennifer’s overexposure, were happy to see the movie tank.
5. From Justin to Kelly

This movie features Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, the winner and runner-up of the first season of American Idol. Texan singing waitress Kelly Taylor meets Pennsylvania college student Justin Bell; they fall in love and spend the rest of the movie being annoying. On IMDb.com, the film is currently rated as the twenty-fourth worst movie ever made—even lower on the list than Daddy Day Camp.

4. Glitter

Glitter follows the life of a struggling songstress in the eighties. (Hmm … sounds a bit like an autobiography, Ms. Butterfly.) Mariah did win an award for this film (at the 2001 Golden Raspberries)—an award for WORST actress. I would rather watch the music video “Hero” by clicking Repeat for 104 minutes than sit through this thing.
3. Freddy Got Fingered

Freddy Got Fingered is a disgustingly gross, exaggerated version of the Tom Green Show. This movie uses situations created for their shock value and jokes of the seven-year-old-booger-and-gas-passing genre. Green fails painfully in his attempt at telling this semi-autobiographical story of living in his dad’s garage and spreading rumors of his dad abusing his younger brother. Sounds like a laugh riot, right? Yeah, no one else thought so either. Needless to say, the movie bombed at the box office.

2. Dude Where's The Party?

In its attempt to depict the experience of being a first-generation Indian-American, this film exaggerates every possible stereotype and manages to be completely unfunny. As if the ridiculous movie poster isn’t enough of an indication of this film’s intelligence level, it also has an unclever title and degrades the affable, hilarious Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar fame. Three strikes, it’s out!

1. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

First of all—what in the world is an Eck or a Sever? This film is so bad that it doesn’t even matter. Ballistic is a 2002 action film featuring Lucy Liu and Antonio Banderas, who play secret agents pretending to be enemies. Rotten Tomatoes ranked Ecks vs. Sever number one on the Worst of the Worst movie list—I agree.

Ok fine, there IS a worst of the worst. Worse than Ballistics actually - Children of The Corn. But I just couldnt muster the energy to get into the details of this pathetic atrocity for I was too busy hurling at the thought of it.

I'm loving: Feel Good Time - P!nk